7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)

Last week I wrote a post, "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 1)" which explored the 7 most common mis-steps that men make every day on the dating scene and which women discuss among themselves, often without our knowledge. I received so much good feedback from both men & women readers that I thought I would also make a post just for the women. After all, in the spirit of fairness both men AND women do things in the dating game that we can look at and say, "What was s/he thinking?" OR "Did s/he really think that saying and doing the same crazy things would produce a different result?" So I present Part 1 which was greatly contributed to by my wife, Shirre as well as feedback from other women friends.

Rule #1: The most important rule for women is [drumroll please]: Leave past relationships in the past! I need to repeat that, so here it is again. Leave past relationships in the past! Don't try to make us measure up to the last wonderful man in your life. After all if he was so awesome you'd still be together, right? And don't try to make us out to be the same guy as losers you have formerly been associated with. As Kat Williams says, to paraphrase (because this is a family-friendly post): If you're still walking around talking about how [guys] aren't any good, [Maybe you should] take some responsibility...and find out what it is about yourself that attracts no good men.

Rule #2: Sometimes a smile is just a smile (see there are some rules that apply to both ladies and men!) Take it as an unspoken compliment. Not every guy who smiles at you is trying to get in your pants! Some people are genuinely friendly and outgoing.

Rule #3: Make sure you have something to offer a relationship. Don't just sit back and wait for the man to do everything (provide) for you. If you want a man who is tall, has an MBA, a solid career, real-estate property, loves God, is good with children, etc. then ask yourself, if the shoe were on his foot, would he see you as desirable beyond your beauty?

Rule #4: Your education, personality & character may not say "ho" or "freak", but if that's what your clothes say every time we see you out, then that's exactly how we as men will identify you. OK ladies, you may not think that's fair, but you need to understand a basic but unspoken rule about us: men are turned on by what we see; we stop at that level and aren't going to try to explore your intellectual side. Conversely, women are much deeper creatures, and ladies are turned on by touch and physical stimulation. It's ok to have a sexy outfit that flatters your form every now and then when appropriate, but vary your wardrobe and have some nice business casual wear or "church clothes" too; the men in your life will respect you a little more.

Rule #5: Make a mental or written note of the desired characteristics of the man that you would like in your life. These characteristics become your standards. For example if your list says: MUST-- be tall, have an MBA, a solid career, real-estate property, love God, be good with children, be faithful, etc. then you should actively seek out men who fit that description. When you meet a man, find out how many of these characteristics he possesses. If you can pick out most of those characteristics "from a lineup", and he is willing to work on others you deem lower priority, then you've got your man. If the answers are NO, then keep walking because ladies, no matter how much you love us, you will NEVER make a man or "train" him to be something that he's not!

Rule #6: Every woman who is single IS on the market! I know that comes as a shock to many of you ladies, but it's reality. Every woman has a price! Let's be real, many of you ladies who are single are frustrated because of the lack of quality, desirable men who are single AND available [to you], i.e., not married, gay, or just no good. Your frustration is entirely understandable. However, the reality is that IF that guy who is perfect for you came along, you [hope you] would know it, and you would then be available. That is a fact. Now if you have unreasonable expectations (See #5), then your standards will be too high, and no man wants to measure up to ridiculous demands, and that can be a source of frustration as well.

Rule #7: Be on your best behavior on your first date. Treat it like a fun interview. Remember you should be yourself, but your first date is the best a man will ever see of you, until your wedding day (if you both make it that far). This is not the time to show out. Realize that dating can be very stressful for men because it is we who must convince you (the desire of our affection) that we are worth making part of your life.

I can remember during my bachelor days when I asked out a gorgeous young lady to one of Tampa's finest restaurants which I am known to frequent. She spent most of the evening unsatisfied with the waitress, talking about how bad the food was; we changed seating arrangements, and she was still unsatisfied. Then the food came & she was still unsatisfied with that too. Needless to say, I never asked her out again. My thinking was..."I paid good money for us to have a good time. No, young lady you don't owe me anything, and I'm not requiring any favors from you, BUT if you aren't satisfied with minor things then how are you going to be satisfied with bigger things?" I simply didn't need the drama (and neither will the man you're trying to win).

- -
Cross-posted on Facebook on April 30, 9:59pm.

Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 1)

As a happily married man for 1 year (coming up on 4/26/09) my wife and I sometimes talk about how relieved we are that we no longer have to deal with "the dating game". No longer is there to wonder about when that special person will call and ask us out to dinner or the other way around or if someone wants to make time for us. We don't have to juggle dates and be worried about pleasing all of them: Terry on Monday evening, Jenny on Wednesday lunch, Sharon on Friday, etc or wonder how many more of these it will take to find "the one". We don't have to go out then wonder, "Hey what's it like to go home to the same person every night?"

There is a sort of peaceful tranquility and security to know that one person has your best interests at heart, and you have theirs. One person knows everything about you and you can chill at home without saying anything yet communicate everything richly, or if you do talk there's no danger of running out of interesting things to say. It's simply the state of "BE-ING". Both of us still hang out with some of our single friends as well and from time to time they ask us advice on dating & relationships, I guess because we seem happy with each other and have a successful loving marriage. From conversations with those friends, both men & women, I have gleaned the following bits of advice that should be especially helpful to guys, especially to those who think you're the greatest that ever done it!

Rule #1: (This is the most important rule guys, and the one most often violated; so pay attention b/c every guy thinks they are special or original in this category). Do not waste your time trying to come up with clever pick up lines. There is likely nothing you could say that a woman has not already heard, especially if she's an attractive, well-put together woman. "Baby, I can drink your bathwater" or "Hey Shorty, how old you is." is not something that grown men should say to anyone except a hoodrat who doesn't know any better.



Furthermore, a woman already has an idea of what category you're in when she first meets you, and not much you say is going to change that--Category 1: He's a loser, he'll get a fake (555-1212) number or the brush-off or no responses to his texts. Category 2: I'll give him my number and let him take me to dinner, but that's it. Category 3: I like this guy and he's datable, or at least I have no problem being seen in public with him. Category 4: This guy is "friend" material. I'll keep him around just in case, especially if he's smart, successful, well-connected, etc. Hey there could be more categories, but I'm just going by a guy's observations. A simple, "How are you? I'd like to get your number," or a simple understated compliment often works just fine.

Rule #2: On Communicating with Women/Online Dating: Meeting a woman for the first time and then Myspacing/Facebooking her and bombarding her with texts, calls, Myspace/Facebook comments, etc. without first asking her permission is not cool & she WILL talk about you to her girlfriends, which further alerts them that you're not cool either. So now you haven't just lost one desirable woman, you've lost a whole bunch of them in one shot. To you, it may be a cool way to get in touch & show her you're serious, but to her, it makes you look desperate. Instead, make a contact, and WAIT! I know it's hard, but WAIT. If she is interested, they will reply (this goes for guys & girls) but you're likely to get a "0" on your score card if you IM her every time she pops up active and online.

Rule #3: A smile is not necessarily a come-on, so get over yourself. Take it for what it is. If you want to approach then go ahead, but often a smile is just a friendly hello and is done as a polite greeting. It's like a drive by--it could happen to anyone.

Rule #4: Myspace & Facebook profile pictures may not be accurate representations of a person's physical appearance. Not everyone you meet online looks like Halle Berry (before OR after twins), or Idris Elba or Kobe (for you ladies) so don't try to make a hookup on the basis of online pictures alone. What you see is what the other person WANTS you to see.

Rule #5: Be wary of men or women who want to see what kind of phone you have or what kind of car you drive before showing their interest. Men and women who show a materialistic bent may well be gold-diggers, and when the next guy comes along with a bigger SUV or the next girl comes with nicer measurements, you'll be left holding the ice cream cone, and sometimes the bill.

Rule #6: Make sure before you ask anyone out, that both of you have something to bring to the relationship--whether a good job/career, ownership of real estate, education, or nice teeth, etc. An uneven relationship is one where one person, male or female is giving all the time and not getting anything of equal or greater value in return. That is not only robbery, it's abuse, and a smart person will call you out.

Rule #7: This is the rule that will save your life. Be yourself! People like originals. When I was on the dating scene I didn't need to drive a Benz, sport a BlackBerry, or try to speak with an exotic foreign accent even though I'm Haitian, or pretend like I was some big baller. Sometimes it's good to just be the real you. Don't expect meaningful relationships when you start off those relationships on exaggerations, distortions, or half-truths. It gets old after a while when a guy rolls up and to impress you starts talking loudly on the phone about how he was out with P. Diddy last week, just closed on his 5000 sq ft house, is going to that concert in VIP, bla bla bla.

- -
Cross-posted on Facebook on April 23, 1:08pm.

It's Not Big Government, Stupid!

Congress voted overwhelmingly to pass President Obama's first budget by a nearly partisan vote today. Even before the vote, GOP leadership was decrying the advent of big government under Obama and discussing how Obama would be mortgaging our children's futures with his big spending. Folks I have news for you, in case you were wondering, it's not big government that's such a danger--small government can be a danger too (See Haiti, Guatemala, etc)--it's incompetent and/or menacing government that's a danger. So what we should ask is not so much whether a few more dollars are being spent, but whether promises are being kept, results are being measured and reported truthfully, and administration of such budgets is efficient.

Bush made huge government a reality with far-reaching illegal wiretapping, over $10 billion per month war expenditures, no-bid government contracts for friends of Haliburton in war zones, etc. So let's not pretend like Obama invented big government because he didn't. After all, who do we turn to when we need more roads, free schooling for all, vaccinations, consumer protection, grants for non-profits, college scholarships, civil rights, equality in sports for our girls, etc.? The government, that's who. Smart voters will elect politicians whose interests are closely aligned with that of the electorate. These politicians who can best relate to the average voter are the ones who will make financial and governing decisions in our best interests.

An Adopted Son's Perspective

Today, Roland Martin, a regular political commentator and contributor to CNN, Tom Joyner Morning Show, and more. posed a simple question for his Facebook friends of whom I am one: "And did you see that Madonna was denied in her attempt to adopt another Malawi child? Was that decision good or bad?". Below I have excerpted my reply to him on this subject which is close to my heart.

I was adopted by an American missionary at age 9 who gave me a new lease on life, otherwise I wouldn't be here. There are some who might think that Madonna, Angelina, and others do foreign adoptions as great public relations moves. That may be true or not (only God knows our true intentions). All I know is that a child in need doesn't ask for an essay on why you're adopting them. They simply want to know if you will love them or not. When I was being adopted one of the questions the state of Arkansas asked my adoptive mother was whether she would have my best interests at heart. To me one of the demonstrations of true love is if a person has no obligation to love you, will they still show you the same love they would demonstrate to their biological children?

Who Is DJ 9:27?

So who is DJ 9:27? Around August 2006, I was asked by my good friend L.I.F.E., President/CEO of the Black on Black Rhyme poetry collective to be his co-host for weekly poetry shows and featured shows in Tampa, Florida. For those unfamiliar with Black on Black Rhyme, the collective was started by then students of Florida A&M University (FAMU) in Tallahassee, FL has several franchises nationwide in cities such as Tallahassee, Florida; Tampa, Florida; Rochester, NY; Atlanta, Georgia; Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.

Shows meet in each city at least one night weekly and feature some of the best local underground poets performing "spoken word", "open-mic" poetry. Open-mic refers to the practice of signing a list at the door; the show host then calls up each open-mic signee to perform their piece at some point during the show. Also, a spoken word artist is a performance poet who stands before an audience and recites their poetry aloud. Some poets are also singers, musicians, and/or song writers who may perform pieces to music. Each show will at times have a featured poet who is usually visiting from out of town. This featured poet will stand and perform a set consisting of several poems and may offer his work for sale whether a CD or book. From time to time groups of poets will also get together at a local, state, national, or international performance poetry competition called a "slam" in which poets compete for the love of the audience, high scores from slam judges, and cash prizes which may range from a nominal amount of money up to thousands of dollars for the winners.

Anyhow, I myself do not consider myself to be a poet (because I'm not) but I have been a performance musician since age 9 (piano/keyboard, saxophone, organ, snare drum, xylophone, etc. are among the instruments I have studied) and feel comfortable addressing crowds oratorically or performing music for hundreds to thousands of people in an audience, so it seemed natural for me to begin hosting the shows while having the chance to meet some of the worlds greatest poets and performers, many of whom have appeared on BET, HBO Def Comedy Jam, TV One, etc. such as Taalam Acey (poet, author), Kevin Sandbloom (guitarist, writer, poet), Sunni Patterson (poet, college professor), and more.

In the meantime, I always wanted to learn the art of DJ'ng and since our DJ, Forge was getting ready to leave to begin his Masters of Psychology studies in Missouri, he began showing me his craft, and would sometimes have me to work part of shows while he watched me. By July 31, 2007, Forge's last show, I was ready to go and made the transition from show co-host to DJ. L.I.F.E. figured that since I didn't have a DJ name or moniker, and all DJ's do, he would let the audience name me. So for the next few months, he held a weekly contest, and audience members that arrived by the opening time of 9:30pm got to submit names which the entire audience voted on. By December, 2007, I had a permanent name, DJ 9-2-7 (Also written, 9:27) which was chosen by audience member Aleysha E. because I had a reputation for arriving around 9:27pm just a few minutes before the start of the show. Well, the moniker stuck, and that is "the rest of the story."

This blogger DJ'd Black on Black Rhyme Tampa full-time from 2007-2008.

Why is Twitter Necessary & If So Is It Worth It?

Yes, Twitter and the process of setting up your personal Twitter page is totally worth it. (Tweet me @KetoNH and I'll tell you why). Think of it like this, technologically, using Twitter or tweeting is exactly like texting potentially hundreds to thousands of friends on your cell phone except the tweets (text messages) are routed through your personal web page and are presented in chronological order to anyone in your personal network.

If you are a marketer, news maker, or blogger (especially if you are a professional blogger like Darren Rowse), then Twitter is great because you can post marketing or P/R hooks and tons of people can be informed in real time of whatever product, service or event you want them to know about. Many people didn't think it was such a great idea when marketers started using text messaging to send coupons, discounts, and marketing messages to people's cell phones, but you know what it's a big business NOW (just ask the Obama campaign), and Twitter offers the same type of benefits with potentially wider reach to your audience. If you have a company, TV show, newsletter, comedy show, product, etc. as many of my friends have, then it's a great marketing tool for promoting yourself or your ventures. As an electronic marketer, I use Twitter as another avenue or medium for marketing events for my advertisers through TheListbyKeto.

To Serve & Protect: The Other Animals with Guns

The blogosphere and national news outlets are all abuzz about the latest news of cops gone wild on the citizenry. I heard audio of the Ryan Moats police incident on Thursday night on Fox Sports Radio. In another case of law enforcement abuse of a law abiding citizen, Houston Texans RB Ryan Moats received an urgent message that his mother-in-law lay dying of breast cancer in a Dallas, TX hospital. Moats and his family went through a red light with his hazard lights on, and was chased by a Dallas cop all the way to the hospital, which is understandable. At that point, the officer was doing his job. However, what is inhuman is that when the cop stopped him in the hospital parking lot, and Moats explained that his mother-in-law was dying and that's why he raced to the scene, the cop still didn't let him go and insisted on pulling his gun, pointing it at Moats and his wife, and browbeating them. It was 15 minutes before the officer finished the ticketing and questioning process, despite a nurse coming to the parking lot and informing the officer that Moats' mother-in-law indeed was dying. By the time he finished, Moats' mother-in-law had died.

Frankly, I'm surprised that the cop (Robert Powell) with his bad-@$$ cowboy attitude didn't shoot Moats, because it's probably what he wanted to do. Why else would you draw a gun on someone in a hospital parking lot while he's explaining to you his family emergency?! Powell's exact words were, "I can screw you over!" (See pictures above). To make matters worse, Powell told Moats that if he didn't produce his insurance and registration, he would have his car towed. The arrogance!

Powell deserves to be fired and to have the pants sued off his sorry (racist) behind. Having friends in law enforcement, I empathize with the nature of their jobs. They do tough, thankless work, just as our military does, and they do it with low pay and at risk of death on a daily basis. There are many good cops out there who embody service to our community because I was influenced by many of them in my community while growing up. But there are also way too many cowboy cops and loose cannons who are allowed by our police and sheriff departments to terrorize the population. Police abuse is the norm in the United States, not an aberration, especially for Blacks, Latinos, etc.

Police brutality in the United States is unacceptable, although in my home country of Haiti, police brutality is accepted and even encouraged by law enforcement and we are just as likely to be kidnapped or killed by our own cops due to corruption from the top down. There are other places where police brutality is actually worse: Jamaica, Brazil, France, and quite a few countries of the world are worse than the US in terms of civilians killed by cops per 10,000, etc. At least it's a little bit better here from a human rights and civil rights perspective. Despite racial profiling in the US, I usually don't walk down the street wondering if the cop I see is working for a drug lord or not. Of course that's not to say that any level of police brutality is acceptable because it's not. I'm just making a comparison.

Breaking sports news video. MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL highlights and more.

The Number 0: Brought to You By the Letters G-O-P

Creating a working group to publish the 19-page-long "The Republican Road to Recovery" including House Minority leaders, Jim Boehner (R-OH), Eric Cantor (R-VA) & Mike Pence (R-IN)? $??,000,00. Hosting a press conference to announce an alternative budget to President Barack Obama's proposed budget? $?,000.00. Having [no] actual numbers in your alternative budget? Priceless.

The DNC's Hari Sevugan leaves us with this gem: "After 27 days, the best House Republicans could come up with is a 19-page pamphlet that does not include a single real budget proposal or estimate. There are more numbers in my last sentence than there are in the entire House GOP budget."

The Day I Almost Went to Jail for a Pressed Cuban & Blimpies Smoothie

Friday night, I almost went to jail, and for good reason. I went to order a Cuban sandwich and strawberry pineapple smoothie from Blimpie located inside our local Super Wal-Mart. Now I've never before shopped at Blimpie, but our family shops at Super Wal-Mart, and I decided to shop there for a quick bite for Shirre instead of going to Smoothie King whose smoothies are tasteful and flavorful and whom I discovered while in college at University of South Florida. When I arrived at Blimpie, the clerk took my order and asked if I wanted the Cuban pressed. I said, "Yes," because I figured that was a good option, and I've never ordered a Cuban for Shirre before. When I arrived home, Shirre looked at the Cuban and didn't like the fact that it was pressed and smelled funny. She also tried the smoothie and declared it tasted like nothing. I tasted it and concurred; it tasted like wood to me. Since Shirre hadn't bitten off the sandwich and the bill had cost me $9.50, I was determined to get my money back for a sub par product. If the bill had cost only $2 or $3 total, then I wouldn't have made a big deal about it. I would have just eaten the money--and maybe the sandwich myself.

Now would come the hard part--getting my money back. I called the clerk who had sold me the meal and explained to him my problem with the unsatisfactory meal. He had an attitude with me over the phone and said, "So what's the problem?" when I explained to him what the problem was. So I informed him that I would see him in a few minutes to rectify the issue. First, I stopped at Subway around the corner from my house and ordered a Cold Cut Combo foot-long sub for Shirre. I arrived at Wal-Mart just a few minutes before Blimpie's 9pm closing time to find the gate closed almost all the way, but there was a crack so I slipped inside with smoothie and sandwich in hand.

Again, I spoke to the clerk in person, noticed he was the only employee on duty, and asked for the manager's name. Wouldn't you know it, he was the manager, said he had been for four years (whoop de do). He asked me what exactly the problem was, and again I explained as I had on the phone that my wife was not in any way satisfied with the quality of the product. Since I had paid nearly $10 for the meal, I wanted my money back. The manager then became abrasive, told me that he had already asked me if I was satisfied while making my meal, and that customers bought this meal from him all the time. I responded that I didn't really care what anyone else's opinion of his food was, and that it all tasted like "crap". I also reminded him that everyone's tastes are different and that being a foreigner like me, he should know that tastes are diverse and all are not going to be satisfied by the same foods. The manager then told me that it was my opinion that the food was bad, it was my fault that I didn't like it, and no he couldn't give me my money back. Later he said that ok, he might give me half of my money back but that was all he could do. At that point I was highly agitated, and I was entertaining the thought of violence. I haven't done anything bad in a long time, and I might be getting rusty, so I wanted to see if I still got IT. I told him that he needed to show me the Blimpie policy on customer returns, and show me specifically where it said he was not allowed to refund my money. He said no, there was no policy, so I told him I wasn't leaving until I got my money refunded, and that once I did that I would never return to his sorry establishment. Finally, Mr. Manager (a thin wiry guy who liked like he might be from the East) gave me my $9.50. Whew, he didn't know that he had been saved by the bell! I thanked him for finally providing good customer service, told him my name, and asked his name. Can you believe it, his reply was, "No that's allright, sir." I replied that yes, I was aware that everything was alright and that I was trying to be polite and thank him by name. Since he wouldn't volunteer his info and wasn't wearing a name tag, I badgered him for a few more minutes just to annoy him, and told him that I would find out his name by contacting his superiors. Then I left the store after speaking to a couple Wal-Mart employees camped outside. I'm generally not into drama, but man this was 15 minutes worth of drama that I really enjoyed.

Bottom line, I paid $10 for a bad product and received about $20 worth of even worse service. I'm not working yet, so I definitely wasn't taking any foolishness, but I would have done the same thing even if I had $1 million in the bank. It's the principle--the customer is always right, and good customer service says that if the customer is unsatisfied, you as the manager must make it right some way--either give the customer his money back, replace the product (if it is defective, wrong size, flavor, etc.), or provide some similar product or service of equal or greater value. A good manager understands that a key to long-term success is word of mouth by satisfied customers. When you satisfy a customer he may tell a few friends and family. However, when you dissatisfy a customer, he will tell about 2 to 3 times more people than the satisfied customer. So you always want to respond positively to any complaint. That's good Business 101, and this guy, "Tyrone" didn't follow it. Yes that's his real name as I found by asking another Wal-Mart employee.

So to all my friends, I'm encouraging a boycott of Blimpie. This would be the same restaurant that lists such healthy offerings the Veggie Supreme sub. Read below for the awe inspiring nutritional details.

Worst "Healthy" Sandwich
Blimpie Veggie Supreme (12")
1,106 calories
56 g fat (33 g saturated fat)
2,831 mg sodium
96 g carbohydrates

Anatomy of a Laid Off Worker's Job Hunt in 2009, Day 15, 3/19/09 (Updated Weekly)

Today, I was invited to a job site to participate in two hours of testing by human resources at a third-party logistics, transportation, and packaging company that I would really like to work for. The primary factors influencing my desire to work for this company are: proximity to my home and childrens' schools, opportunity to add to my IT experience, on-the-job-training and technical certification opportunities, and permanent role with good benefits. Thanks to God, I did very well on the testing and received a call back from my headhunter within an hour of leaving the site letting me know that the Helpdesk Manager--whom I haven't met yet, but interviewed with on the phone--wants to setup a day-long final interview for next week. I expect to receive a job offer following successful conclusion of that interview.

So far during this job search, I have sent out over 20 resumes and interviewed with two IT departments for a Software Trainer position and a Helpdesk Analyst position. As far as the more promising position as Helpdesk Analyst, I've had the following interactions:

• One pre-interview with my headhunter plus resume workup,
• Interview preparation by headhunter,
• A 35-minute phone interview with the Helpdesk Manager,
• Interview preparation by headhunter,
• Phone interview with Recruiting HR Manager lasting 34 minutes,
• 350-question online personality test which I completed in 30 minutes,
• Test preparation by headhunter, and
  
• 2 hrs of cognitive testing onsite.

Next week I will meet the Helpdesk team members and IT brass for and expect an offer following the day-long introduction. The managers want to observe how I interact with other team members including lunch. Apparently they've interviewed a lot of other candidates, and we have all been technically proficient, but the manager want to hire people that have good personalities with a strong customer service orientation who also interact well in a team environment.

Florida GOP Trailing Dems Among New Voters

The Florida GOP has fallen behind the Democratic Party among new and youth voters following the 2008 Presidential election in which Barack Obama won the state back for the Democratic Party. So what exactly does the Florida GOP have to do to attract young voters again? The same thing as the National Party I assume.

How about not being the party of old, white, Southern men only? How about being racially inclusive with more than just a few token faces? How about not writing off social networking and the Internet as a fad and not even attempting to understand Web 2.0? How about not cutting our education & Pell Grants first thing every time a budget crisis comes about? Or how about not waging war on immigrants? How about not trying to shame us because our way of serving our country may not include military service? Everyone can't be a soldier you know. How about giving us a reason to vote for your candidates rather than, "Don't trust for that guy, he's a socialist"? I weary myself with these how abouts.

AIG: Failure Is the New Success

What was AIG thinking, taking ALL $165M of most recent bailout funds and paying bonuses to over 70 members of Financial Products, the very unit that brought about the company's collapse?! Unfortunately the buck does not stop here. AIG will pay out $450 million total in bonuses and "retention pay" to Financial Products employees. These payments are spread out over 400 employees of the division. So far the only figure that has really been reported by the media is the aforementioned $165 million payable to those 70 high-ranking staff. Now how exactly a company pays itself that much money when AIG lost $61.7 billion last quarter is unfathomable. It looks like they're trying to reward themselves for a job poorly done.

Talk about corporate welfare. Yet if a single, low-income mother needs help to buy milk for her child or financial assistance to attend college, the GOP will tell us that that is "bad" welfare. I guess the idea is that we should [continue to] provide "good" welfare only for the rich as they continue to drain our economy.

There are three dominant forces interacting in society today: government, business, and citizens. All three must individually exert enough influence on each other that each one knows they had better not act out of turn or there will be consequences. Unfortunately, in this age of "greedy" capitalism, the forces of big business and government have colluded to enrich themselves and ensure continued domination of political and economic systems. In the process, the people have become shut out of the dialogue, powerless, and cannot force the other two parties to act as good corporate citizens and watchmen concerned for the greater good of society. May God help us all!

A Man's Insight on Teenage Boys

Tonight my wife and I had a come-to-Jesus meeting with our son, Reuben, a 13-year-old wonderboy who thinks he's amazingly hot stuff. Wow deja vu! All 13-yr-olds think they are smarter than their parents and are often surprised when they are caught and confronted for something they know they should not have done. Every now and then we have to remind Reuben that he can't pull a fast one on parents who have already seen and heard everything! Both of us were already doing what he is doing and much more at his age.

Shirre and I both had a long conversation with Reuben about something that we had both told him numerous times at length not to do. He had been previously warned that if he did such and such, he would get such and such a privilege taken away. When I found out while he was at school that he had gone ahead and done xyz for the umpteenth time despite the nice talkings to and warnings and lied about it, we decided the corrective action would be to take away something that he holds very dear until he decides to correct that particular behavior. He just turned 13, so he is going to try some things until he gets caught, just because he thinks he can, and also because as any other 13-yr-old he can't see the big picture yet.

A while back my wife was wondering why Reuben acts a certain way at times. I had to explain to her in detail that there are certain things that all 12-yr-old and teen boys do. I may not yet be an expert on marriage or parenting, but I am an expert on boys and men. There are some things that a man knows about boys that a mother does not. No matter how well a Mom thinks she knows her son--even if they are very close--a man knows how a boy acts and thinks and why. Teens are a time when boys are trying to find themselves mentally and socially. They're getting into adolescence, voice getting lower, discovering girls who they talk to all the time, and at the same time trying to find their meaning and significance while being caught between the man and boy stages.

There are so many things going on in his mind that a teen male will often act like he has no sense whatsoever. It's not that he can't think. This is simply the result of trying to sort out conflicting information and juggle trivial data in order to make decisions. Things in his head all the time are: girls, Playstation codes, food, girls, chores, girls, food, sports, clothes, girls, "my parents make me sick", food, girls, etc. (see pictures above). I remember when I was 12 and 13, we had a 2-story apartment and my Mom would send me downstairs to get something. By the time I got to the bottom step I'd already forgotten what it was. I felt like a dummy because I knew that I was supposed to get something from the kitchen, but danged if I could remember what it was no matter how hard I tried. Forgetfulness is something a teen boy deals with on an hourly basis and is unrelated to intelligence or alzheimers. It just happens, so when someone calls home, for example I have Reuben to write the messages or my instructions on a note pad to help his memory.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

All teen boys will at some point test their boundaries! Especially if they have not had a man in the home, they are accustomed to being the man, and have an adjustment period when they may want to cooperate but have a hard time taking instruction and advice from a new man. In Reuben's case, I am the first man that has been a real head of the house. He's 6' 2", fast, strong, and accustomed to being the man and protecting his Mom and sisters. The drive to watch over and protect is something that God instills in all men. When a new man arrives on the scene, a boy will try him until he is confronted. It's what boys do. If the new father/step-father does not confront his new son and establish his role very early as the new man of the house and the authority along with his Mother, a teen boy will run all over him. It's simply a battle of pride and egos, and there can only be one dominant male in a house at a time.

A real man recognizes what's going on, and instead of acting foolishly and shaming the boy publicly or in front of other family members will pull him aside and confront him either with words and advice (first option) or physically if necessary (last option). Once a teen boy understands that his Mother backs up her husband, then he becomes more understanding of what his role in the family now is.

None of this is to say that my step-son is a bad apple. He's a good son that I'm proud of. He makes good grades, is usually polite and respectful, plays music, does chores when asked, babysits when necessary, has a good reputation in school... I take him everywhere with me and treat him with respect and love because I never had a father in my home, and I know how difficult the absence of a father can be for a boy in his formative years. Fortunately, I had father figures and positive role models in church and in the community who I looked up to as examples of how to be a man. I teach Reuben: it is respect and responsibility that make a man. These qualities affect decision making and determine whether a boy will become a real man or remain a "Baby Boy". If I can raise a boy into a man before I die then I will have done my job.

I Watched The Watchmen

Today I took my family to watch The Watchmen movie featuring superhero characters Rorshach, The Comedian, Dr. Manhattan, Silk Spectre II, Nite Owl II & Ozymandias. That was a bad idea. On the one hand, I was mentally stimulated by The Watchmen because it was non-stop action, great stunts & wonderful computer graphics work, props etc. However, if I had known that there was so much questionable content--excessive profanity, near rapes, serial killing superheroes, a superhero who thought he was god, more sex, nude superheroes (the ever present nakedness of the blue guy, Dr. Manhattan really creeped me out)--I would not have taken my children--I would have just gone with my wife. But then again, had she known the content of the film prior to viewing, she would not have chosen such a dark film.

Every one of the characters was morally conflicted and ethically challenged, but none more so than billionaire crimefighter, Ozymandias determined to rule the world from behind the scenes in the name of everlasting peace. He had no qualms about offing his former teammates if they got in the way of his plans of ensuring world wide peace. At least the most courageous and watchable of the Watchmen were Silk Spectre II and Nite Owl II whose romance dominated the screen following Silk Spectre II's romantic breakup with Dr. Manhattan. They were spurred to action by Rorshach, a troubled figure who at first seemed to be the only one interested in fighting for what he believed in, serial killer though he were. I figured the movie would be more like the X-Men films which were more PG-13 and family friendly. Boy was I wrong! This group of action figures were preceded by The Minutemen, the previous generation of heroes who collectively managed to look like the lamest group of heroes ever assembled.


I'm not a movie critic, so I'm not really going to dissect the plot and subplots as if someone were paying me to do it. As a man who likes to see things blow up and smiley face buttons, I wasn't too concerned that there were multiple story lines to follow, although the numerous superhero flashbacks left more questions than they answered. As for the time length, I was overjoyed that I got that much movie for the money. I like to go to the theatre and not feel like I just got robbed, and certainly sitting in the theater for over 2 hours made me feel like I had watched two movies worth of entertainment. All in all, I would advice movie buffs to go and watch the movie if you must, but definitely don't take your parents or your children.