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Last week I wrote a post, "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 1)" which explored the 7 most common mis-steps that men make every day on the dating scene and which women discuss among themselves, often without our knowledge. I received so much good feedback from both men & women readers that I thought I would also make a post just for the women. After all, in the spirit of fairness both men AND women do things in the dating game that we can look at and say, "What was s/he thinking?" OR "Did s/he really think that saying and doing the same crazy things would produce a different result?" So I present Part 1 which was greatly contributed to by my wife, Shirre as well as feedback from other women friends. Rule #1: The most important rule for women is [drumroll please]: Leave past relationships in the past! I need to repeat that, so here it is again. Leave past relationships in the past! Don't try to make us measure up to the last wonderful man in your life. After all if he was so awesome you'd still be together, right? And don't try to make us out to be the same guy as losers you have formerly been associated with. As Kat Williams says, to paraphrase (because this is a family-friendly post): If you're still walking around talking about how [guys] aren't any good, [Maybe you should] take some responsibility...and find out what it is about yourself that attracts no good men.
Rule #2: Sometimes a smile is just a smile (see there are some rules that apply to both ladies and men!) Take it as an unspoken compliment. Not every guy who smiles at you is trying to get in your pants! Some people are genuinely friendly and outgoing.
Rule #3: Make sure you have something to offer a relationship. Don't just sit back and wait for the man to do everything (provide) for you. If you want a man who is tall, has an MBA, a solid career, real-estate property, loves God, is good with children, etc. then ask yourself, if the shoe were on his foot, would he see you as desirable beyond your beauty?
Rule #4: Your education, personality & character may not say "ho" or "freak", but if that's what your clothes say every time we see you out, then that's exactly how we as men will identify you. OK ladies, you may not think that's fair, but you need to understand a basic but unspoken rule about us: men are turned on by what we see; we stop at that level and aren't going to try to explore your intellectual side. Conversely, women are much deeper creatures, and ladies are turned on by touch and physical stimulation. It's ok to have a sexy outfit that flatters your form every now and then when appropriate, but vary your wardrobe and have some nice business casual wear or "church clothes" too; the men in your life will respect you a little more.
Rule #5: Make a mental or written note of the desired characteristics of the man that you would like in your life. These characteristics become your standards. For example if your list says: MUST-- be tall, have an MBA, a solid career, real-estate property, love God, be good with children, be faithful, etc. then you should actively seek out men who fit that description. When you meet a man, find out how many of these characteristics he possesses. If you can pick out most of those characteristics "from a lineup", and he is willing to work on others you deem lower priority, then you've got your man. If the answers are NO, then keep walking because ladies, no matter how much you love us, you will NEVER make a man or "train" him to be something that he's not!
Rule #6: Every woman who is single IS on the market! I know that comes as a shock to many of you ladies, but it's reality. Every woman has a price! Let's be real, many of you ladies who are single are frustrated because of the lack of quality, desirable men who are single AND available [to you], i.e., not married, gay, or just no good. Your frustration is entirely understandable. However, the reality is that IF that guy who is perfect for you came along, you [hope you] would know it, and you would then be available. That is a fact. Now if you have unreasonable expectations (See #5), then your standards will be too high, and no man wants to measure up to ridiculous demands, and that can be a source of frustration as well.
Rule #7: Be on your best behavior on your first date. Treat it like a fun interview. Remember you should be yourself, but your first date is the best a man will ever see of you, until your wedding day (if you both make it that far). This is not the time to show out. Realize that dating can be very stressful for men because it is we who must convince you (the desire of our affection) that we are worth making part of your life.
I can remember during my bachelor days when I asked out a gorgeous young lady to one of Tampa's finest restaurants which I am known to frequent. She spent most of the evening unsatisfied with the waitress, talking about how bad the food was; we changed seating arrangements, and she was still unsatisfied. Then the food came & she was still unsatisfied with that too. Needless to say, I never asked her out again. My thinking was..."I paid good money for us to have a good time. No, young lady you don't owe me anything, and I'm not requiring any favors from you, BUT if you aren't satisfied with minor things then how are you going to be satisfied with bigger things?" I simply didn't need the drama (and neither will the man you're trying to win).
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Cross-posted on Facebook on April 30, 9:59pm.
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