A Discussion of Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"

I have started reading Steve Harvey's new book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment" with my wife Shirre. Harvey regularly promotes sales of his advice book on his Steve Harvey Morning Show which we both listen to on the radio. So she recently purchased the book on sale at Books-A-Million.

My disclaimer as a reader of the book, especially to women who are the target audience for this book, is for all readers to read the book with an open mind, and understand that Steve's book is not the end all or be all of advice on men. At the end of the day it is a book of advice and it is up to each individual to decide which pieces of advice apply to them. Some advice won't be applicable because you're at a different stage in your life than others, or maybe because such and such was never an issue for you, etc. Some advice will apply to you, so as the saying goes, "If the shoe fits..."

I'm completely in agreement with Shirre going out and getting this book without my telling her to do so. Women always expect us men to know what they want without telling us or explaining to us why they want it. (i.e., why women prefer to cuddle, when to listen vs give advice, helping around the house, etc...) but somehow, they forget or tend to ignore us men when we tell them very clearly by our actions and words what we want and need.

I found very early in my marriage that issues I didn't worry about while dating Shirre, I have had to address during marriage simply because our relationship is now more complex than it was at the dating and engagement stages, and if this is a tool that helps keep peace in our home (although we're pretty peaceful and have a happy, loving home) and squash misunderstandings and hurt feelings before they arise, then more power to Shirre for reading the book. Now if another man doesn't want his wife reading Steve's book, then that is his call. All I know is that Shirre is reading the book, and it has paid off already!

There is no one book with absolute truth other than the Bible. There were some things that I told Shirre about my likes and dislikes when we first got married that she as a woman did not understand. In some cases I told her in almost the same words as what is in Steve's book. We all know that Steve is not Dr. Phil. He is a comedian. However, he is first a man, and men generally know why men think and act in certain ways given a particular situation because all our lives we have lived this thing called "manhood". There are untold scores of books of advice for women about dealing with themselves and men from other women's perspectives, but really very few books of relationship advice that are written by men to and for women.

Now that Shirre is reading the book, she realizes that things that I was saying were not just statements made at random or said in the heat of the moment, but that I was trying to inform her of how I think as a man so that there would be no confusion or misunderstanding as to my motives. So yes, I'm absolutely glad that she went out (on her own) and purchased the book at Books-A-Million.

There are some who say that there is no need for books in a relationship, after all open communication is the key. However, from my perspective open communication is easier said than done. Friendship presents a particular set of relationship challenges, dating presents another set of challenges, being engaged yet another set of challenges unique to that relationship. Once you're married, misunderstandings will happen because both husband and wife even under the best intentions are two independent, separate people trying to become one in family, goals, desires, etc. and now live together 24 hrs/day instead of seeing their partner, doing dinner or the movies, and then going their separate ways.

Living in close proximity causes friction because of basic human nature. We are always in conflict, even over what outfit to wear tomorrow. Not one of us is perfect in thought or actions, though we strive to be perfect in motive. If tools exist to help us reach a state of harmony with our loved ones whether counseling, church, books, Oprah, etc. then we should be willing to use those tools (only the one which applies to your specific situation) to help us resolve whatever is missing in our "relationship portfolio".