Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 2)

In April I wrote a Facebook note focusing on the Rules of Engagement between Men & Women on the Dating Scene. I received so much positive feedback that I wrote several more pieces, and now present the fourth piece: "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 2)". Previous notes are: "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself" which explored the 7 most common mis-steps that men make every day on the dating scene; "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)" which discussed preventable mistakes that women make in dating & the third post in this series, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 2)". Thanks so much to my wife, Shirre as well as other friends who gave me constructive feedback. Please enjoy and do feel free to comment! All I can promise you (both men and women) is that you thought you knew everything about men, but you will find out what you don't know by reading this post. Some of what you don't know will blow your mind when you realize how simple the rules are!

Rule #1: Make a mental or written list of the characteristics that a woman must possess in order for you to enter a relationship with her: college education, career, loves children, God-fearing & moral, good manager of finances, physical appearance, loyal/faithful, good cook, mental chemistry, etc. Just as I told the ladies, these characteristics are your standards. Before committing to a relationship you should find out if the woman possesses the most desirable of these characteristics, and whether she is willing to work on the other lower-priority characteristics. You really don't have to verbally ask a woman these questions. She will tell you by her actions, and hints will slip out in her conversation because women are very good at telling you all about themselves whether they know it or not.

Because I don't mind using myself as an example, I will talk about the characteristics that attracted me to my wife. When we met and started dating, I assumed it would be a short-term relationship as I was not accustomed to or interested in relationships that lasted more than a few months. I was a "convenience" or "serial dater". Eventually, after casually dating her for a few weeks, I began analyzing in my mind the kind of woman that Shirre was. Even though she was popular in our circle, and well-liked, I noticed that she didn't run after other men who were always complimenting her & offering her gifts in exchange for a relationship as did many of the women I knew. This showed me that Shirre had a level head and did not let her good looks or popularity go to her head. Furthermore, I met her children and found out by watching their behavior that she was indeed a good mother who loved her children. Her consciousness about spiritual topics informed me of her love for God, which was very important to me. I understood that Shirre was a professional, and that everything she had was a result of her going out for her self, taking matters into her own hands, carefully saving & managing her finances, and demonstrating her independence and hard work. She was open to having a man, but didn't need a man to make her who she already was. Also, we had such great mental chemistry that often we knew what the other was thinking or going to say or when something was wrong without even seeing the other person. It was as if we had known each other in a past life.

When I considered these and several other characteristics, I realized they all matched up with my standards for what a wife should be, and we discussed whether we were on the same page regarding our future. We were, and now we are married as a result. I wasn't looking for a wife at that time, and certainly I had met plenty of beautiful women in Tampa Bay, in my travels to 30 other states, and in my home country of Haiti , but I knew that here she was standing before me--the woman of my dreams & the woman I loved--and I would be crazy to let her go without at least expressing my feelings for her.

Rule #2: This is possibly the most important rule that you will ever encounter, and following it will save you a lot of heartache and prevent you from making bad decisions which we as men may regret for the rest of our lives: If a relationship is meant to be for the long-term, it will last; if it is only meant for the short-term, let her go! Thank God for the times that you had together and MOVE ON! In many cases, both the man and woman may start out on exactly the same level in the relationship. As time goes on, both may move in opposite directions or one will mature in the relationship and the other will not, thus dooming said relationship.

In my younger days, when I was falling in love just about every other day, I realized this fact, and understood that there was no point in continuously chasing someone who was not where I was in the relationship. Many people do this unfortunately to save face; just so they can say, "Yeah, I've got somebody," because everyone else around them has a special someone. But it's not worth it! Some people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! This saying is just as true regarding friendships and associations as it is about romances. Also, if you have to constantly text, call, email, IM, etc. the other person, then let's be real, they really aren't interested. Someone who is interested in starting or continuing a relationship will make their interest obvious by maintaining contact with you.

Rule #3: This rule is closely related to Rule #2: You cannot make someone love you who doesn't. You can buy a woman all the drinks, cars, clothing & expensive jewelry in the world. You can pay her rent, pay for her college, and do other things which show her that you love her and want to be with her. BUT if she doesn't feel the same way about you, you are just wasting your time and money and casting your pearls before swine. As soon as someone comes along who has more intelligence, better looks, or possesses something more than you, she will be gone. This is a "fair-weather girlfriend" sometimes referred to as a "gold-digger".

Rule #4: Female beauty and shapeliness will not last forever. If you want to know what a woman will look like 10 years or more from now, look at her mother, grandmother, and other older females in her family. Someday she will look like them. If they have aged gracefully, then likely she will age gracefully as well--if she takes care of herself. If many of them have put on quite a few pounds and look like they could stand a makeover, then it is possible that one day she will look like that too. At the same time, your relationship should be based on love because not every minute of your relationship is going to be spent "partaking of the cookie". That is a young man's unrealistic dream.

Rule #5: DO go on blind dates every now and then. Your friends and family know the kind of person you are, and will generally try to find someone that is going to make you happy. However, you should never go on a blind date arranged by your Mother. She has an interest in picking someone similar to her that SHE wants you to be with, and this is not be in your best interests as an independent man. Mom may be thinking "safe & homely" while you're thinking "wild & adventurous."

Rule #6: Get all the important things out of your way first, or at least have them in progress, and then pursue long-term relationships. Because of our environment during our formative years and other obstacles that we face throughout our lives, some of us may not have our "ducks in a row" at the same time as others. In my case, even though I was from a low-income, single-parent home, my Mom taught be to be the best in everything I was involved in & I was extremely competitive and driven to succeed. As a result, I made the decision very early that I would not parent children out of wedlock or get married until after I had become the first person in my family to graduate from college, earn a graduate degree, start my career & hopefully acquire some real estate. I understood how much time and devotion completing an academic course and starting a career would take up of my life, and I wanted to make sure I had the tools to provide for whoever I would become involved with. Thank God, due to family support & perseverance on my part, I was able to accomplish at least 3 of those goals prior to marriage, and I am now able to focus my time and efforts completely on my marriage and family. The point is that all of us males may not be all that we want to be right now, but we should certainly have made the effort to be on that path that leads us to our dreams. Our women and families look up to us and often will not become any more successful than we are.

Rule #7: Women have back-burner friends too! (Remember Rule #8 in my previous post in which I discussed "just in case" friendships?) The idea applies to women as well! There are women in your life who secretly have you pegged as a "back-burner friend". They may have several options among male friends that they have dated or would like to date if given the opportunity or if circumstances were different. There is always one man in the mix that is superior to the other guys because that man meets more of the standards of the woman in question. But here's how it plays out in the woman's head: back-burner friends may have some quality the woman doesn't like, but if the best option falls through, she could see herself settling for whoever is left (sort of a process of elimination, i.e., "I'd love to have the upwardly mobile Doctor friend, but if he's way to busy or unfaithful, I could settle for the DJ friend who always shows me a good time"). One of the options may be the woman's best male friend (very, very tricky territory), but either the man or woman may choose not to ruin the relationship so they remain friends. Some women will also date openly but hold out for the long term for a guy that they can never have. This may be an unattainable potential mate whom they may have met or an idealistic mental image of the man they could have if they put all the characteristics they desire to "create the perfect mate". The unattainable man could be married, recently divorced, etc., and the woman may have supported him by providing moral, social, or financial support or befriended him in the past.

Rule #7+1: Educated, progressive men--particularly those in the Black & Latino cultures--are a commodity! It is we who are highly desired and sought after not just by Black & Latino women, but by those of other cultures as well. With this in mind, we should take ourselves a little more seriously, and become involved with those who appreciate who we are instead of worrying about those women in our immediate circles who have ridiculously high, unattainable standards for us. Note, I'm not bashing high standards; I'm bashing ridiculous, unattainable standards. There are many women who claim that there are no good men. This is simply not true. What is meant is that there are not enough men who fit their standards of what a successful, desirable man ought to be. A brother who drives a Mercedes & makes six figures is no more valuable or important than a brother working at Office Depot who works hard to support his family.

Understanding this rule means that you may have to date outside your culture, race, religion or economic status to find that special someone that is meant just for you!! That is perfectly ok, regardless of whether you get stared down while out in public with your loved one! (Trust me, I've had this experience from people who didn't know me from Adam). People who don't accept the personal choices you make which make you happy are not really interested in your happiness anyway. This is the 2000's and you as a man must "do you" because we only have one life to live!

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Cross-posted on Facebook on May 13, 2:50am.

7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 2)

Last week I wrote a post, "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself" which explored the 7 most common mis-steps that men make every day on the dating scene. Following this, I wrote another post, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)" which discussed preventable mistakes that women make in dating. We're now ready for the third post in this series, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 2)". Again thanks to my wife, Shirre as well as other women friends who gave me feedback on my Facebook page.

Rule #1: If you want to know what a man is thinking and why he is doing something, ask him or another man whose advice you trust (your father, a brother, uncle, etc.). Don't ask your girlfriends or your Mother because they will generally give you bad advice based on failed relationships & misconceptions about how men really work, e.g., Vivica A. Fox in Three Can Play That Game (2007). Quite a bit of mis-communication goes on between men and women, and many promising relationships never blossom fully or are short-lived simply because men and women do not understand the difference in each other's communication styles.

Rule #2: Don't try to win every argument. Men and women argue differently. Generally women argue based on emotion and feeling. Generally men argue based on laying out a logical case and making points. Understand that this is neither good nor bad--it's just how it is. However, when you refuse to lose, it shows us that you are inflexible, selfish, self-centered, and think that only you can be right. I've seen plenty of cases where a man thinks he has "won" an argument only to realize that he has just been insulted in the worst way. Many times if you stop and think about why an argument started, you'll realize it was probably over something very minor and insignificant. Often arguments occur based on ignorance of Rule #1.

Rule #3: "The Chase" is good (back in the day it was called "Courting"), but above all be honest and open about your intentions and desires at the very beginning of the relationship or at some point during a date, and let us know where you want it to go. Trust me, we already have plans about where we want things to go, but we need to know what will work for you. Also, we should all be adults and if we are interested in you, we don't have time for mind-games, guilt tripping, and other child-like foolishness. If you don't care about the other person, don't waste his time just to get another free dinner or because he's going to introduce you to Cadillac Williams.

Rule #4: Your clothing and makeup are a reflection of you. Too much of a good thing can be overkill. At the same time, we would like to know that you care enough about your personal image that you took more than 5 minutes to plan your outfit and accessories. There is a good reason why women who wear lipstick tend to get better job offers than women who don't wear any makeup.

Rule #5: This is extremely important but a rule that is regularly ignored and violated among girlfriends and BFF's--Don't kiss and tell. Guys may have locker room talk, but because of the rich level of communication that women share, it's not a good idea to discuss all of your man's finer points. Again this is a family-friendly post, so read between the lines. If your man has it together, there's a possibility that some woman in your circle wants him too based on your descriptions of him, and yes, she will be thinking about that whenever she meets him--even at the family barbeque.

Rule #6: Another very important, but often ignored rule is Be approachable! Don't gain the reputation for being an ice queen. Every brother that walks up to you is not going to ask you out. If you're a fine woman, and have your stuff together, some guys will hesitate to approach you because we figure anyone that awesome MUST have a man somewhere! Remember we men appreciate a beautiful, put together woman; a simple "Thank you" when receiving a compliment is in line. Be willing to break the ice by casual conversation or a smile. Remember in the last post I explained that the pressure is on us men during dating (Rule #7). Unfortunately a lot of women forget how to make a first impression; many assume that if they don't know who a guy is or what he does or if he doesn't have a camera in his hand, it's okay to ignore him when he passes by. You may be staring down your future knight in shining armor.

As a real-life example, when I first met my wife Shirre, I noticed her incredible beauty, but I also noticed her carriage and presence. Whenever she walked into a room her aura announced itself, and people--men and women--would light up around her. I just knew that anyone that amazing just had to be attached. But I approached her (because I'm Kéto & I'm confident in what I bring to the table), and soon found out that she was single and approachable without coming off as a diva. She made our relationship possible because she didn't put up a public "wall" or have a "you're not good enough to talk to me attitude" unlike many other professional women I met, despite her past relationships. Neither of us had any idea in June 2007 that we would one day be married, but we both travelled with a "Welcome" sign, so it wasn't hard for someone to enter our lives.

Rule #7: Failure to be adventurous and adhere to this rule is the reason why many many wonderful women will never find a meaningful relationship: [Be willing to] date outside your circle! Again as I stated in the last post, your frustration in not being able to find an available AND desirable man is understandable (Rule #6). However, this is not just a Tampa Bay problem, it's a widespread women problem. For those of you in Tampa Bay, understand that there are over a million residents of Hillsborough County, and several million more throughout the entire Bay area. You have not met all the good men even if you think you have. You have just met all the good men in YOUR circle. Have an open mind and be willing to date outside your culture, race, religion, social circle, etc.. Again, each time you break the mold and step out of your comfort zone, there will be a particular set of challenges that you will face, but if you want a meaningful relationship and have not found it, trust me it's because you have looked in the same places that you've always looked, and what's the saying about insanity??

As an illustration of Rule #7 I'll use my personal life. As a Haitian, we are generally encouraged to marry within our culture, just as many foreign born young professionals. Because I was open-minded about the dating process and willing to meet whoever was meant for me regardless of race or culture, I didn't shackle myself with tradition and as a result married Shirre, a Black American female, my true love. Furthermore, I didn't expect to marry until 3-5 years later, and I didn't expect to marry a woman with children. But I understand that often the greatest thing that can happen to us will stare us right in the face, and if we aren't ready to move, we can lose out on The One that God has for us. I wasn't willing to make that sacrifice.

Rule #8: Because 7 Rules aren't enough, I give you 7+1: Men do not befriend women that we are not [at least a little bit] physically attracted to. Here's a bit of shocking news b/c I know you thought that our intentions were noble. Did you ever befriend a guy and then eventually some years later end up dating or marrying him? Or do you have a friend that this happened too? Of course you do. Well, it probably was not an accident. As I've said time and time again, we men are very simple creatures and we are predictable in knowing exactly what we want and setting things up so that we eventually get what we want. If you are a good looking female, and you have a lot of male friends, I've got news for you--this is not by accident. I assure you that I have never befriended a woman whom I didn't have some attraction to, even if I was not going to pursue her. This is called a "just-in-case" friendship.

You may think that the long calls, sharing secrets, friendly dinners, "business" lunches, free movie tickets, invitations to family events, etc. are because a guy just wants to be your "friend". Not so! We may not approach you directly in the beginning maybe b/c you're already in a relationship, or we just want admission into your circle without the pressure of asking you out until we're ready, or we're just shy and don't want to be rejected. But trust me, we know that some day, you will become comfortable with us, need a shoulder to cry on, or need a life-saving favor. At that moment, we will be there to swoop in like Superman, solve your problem, and become your hero. And then the romance begins!

This ends my third post on Dating and Relationships, and I hope it is an enjoyable and insightful read for all of you. Please do post your comments. Let me know about how Rules #1-7 have affected your love life, positively & negatively!

Addendum: Because I forgot to include this in the last post, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)"I'm including an addition to Rule #7 Be on your best behavior on your first date. "There are acceptable and unacceptable topics for your first date. Do not discuss sex right away as that will focus your date's mind on only one thing for the rest of the evening. Also, do not discuss past romances or how many partners you've had even if you are asked. It's not relevant to your date and goes with Rule #1 (Leave past relationships in the past). When I started dating Shirre officially, I didn't care how many partners she had had or who her past loves were. They had nothing to do with me. They were in the past, and we were the present and future. Conversely topics that are cool are your family background, your culture if different from his, travels, education, professional goals, leisure topics, hobbies & interests, and various other 'light' topics, etc."

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Cross-posted on Facebook on May 3, 9:49pm.

7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)

Last week I wrote a post, "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 1)" which explored the 7 most common mis-steps that men make every day on the dating scene and which women discuss among themselves, often without our knowledge. I received so much good feedback from both men & women readers that I thought I would also make a post just for the women. After all, in the spirit of fairness both men AND women do things in the dating game that we can look at and say, "What was s/he thinking?" OR "Did s/he really think that saying and doing the same crazy things would produce a different result?" So I present Part 1 which was greatly contributed to by my wife, Shirre as well as feedback from other women friends.

Rule #1: The most important rule for women is [drumroll please]: Leave past relationships in the past! I need to repeat that, so here it is again. Leave past relationships in the past! Don't try to make us measure up to the last wonderful man in your life. After all if he was so awesome you'd still be together, right? And don't try to make us out to be the same guy as losers you have formerly been associated with. As Kat Williams says, to paraphrase (because this is a family-friendly post): If you're still walking around talking about how [guys] aren't any good, [Maybe you should] take some responsibility...and find out what it is about yourself that attracts no good men.

Rule #2: Sometimes a smile is just a smile (see there are some rules that apply to both ladies and men!) Take it as an unspoken compliment. Not every guy who smiles at you is trying to get in your pants! Some people are genuinely friendly and outgoing.

Rule #3: Make sure you have something to offer a relationship. Don't just sit back and wait for the man to do everything (provide) for you. If you want a man who is tall, has an MBA, a solid career, real-estate property, loves God, is good with children, etc. then ask yourself, if the shoe were on his foot, would he see you as desirable beyond your beauty?

Rule #4: Your education, personality & character may not say "ho" or "freak", but if that's what your clothes say every time we see you out, then that's exactly how we as men will identify you. OK ladies, you may not think that's fair, but you need to understand a basic but unspoken rule about us: men are turned on by what we see; we stop at that level and aren't going to try to explore your intellectual side. Conversely, women are much deeper creatures, and ladies are turned on by touch and physical stimulation. It's ok to have a sexy outfit that flatters your form every now and then when appropriate, but vary your wardrobe and have some nice business casual wear or "church clothes" too; the men in your life will respect you a little more.

Rule #5: Make a mental or written note of the desired characteristics of the man that you would like in your life. These characteristics become your standards. For example if your list says: MUST-- be tall, have an MBA, a solid career, real-estate property, love God, be good with children, be faithful, etc. then you should actively seek out men who fit that description. When you meet a man, find out how many of these characteristics he possesses. If you can pick out most of those characteristics "from a lineup", and he is willing to work on others you deem lower priority, then you've got your man. If the answers are NO, then keep walking because ladies, no matter how much you love us, you will NEVER make a man or "train" him to be something that he's not!

Rule #6: Every woman who is single IS on the market! I know that comes as a shock to many of you ladies, but it's reality. Every woman has a price! Let's be real, many of you ladies who are single are frustrated because of the lack of quality, desirable men who are single AND available [to you], i.e., not married, gay, or just no good. Your frustration is entirely understandable. However, the reality is that IF that guy who is perfect for you came along, you [hope you] would know it, and you would then be available. That is a fact. Now if you have unreasonable expectations (See #5), then your standards will be too high, and no man wants to measure up to ridiculous demands, and that can be a source of frustration as well.

Rule #7: Be on your best behavior on your first date. Treat it like a fun interview. Remember you should be yourself, but your first date is the best a man will ever see of you, until your wedding day (if you both make it that far). This is not the time to show out. Realize that dating can be very stressful for men because it is we who must convince you (the desire of our affection) that we are worth making part of your life.

I can remember during my bachelor days when I asked out a gorgeous young lady to one of Tampa's finest restaurants which I am known to frequent. She spent most of the evening unsatisfied with the waitress, talking about how bad the food was; we changed seating arrangements, and she was still unsatisfied. Then the food came & she was still unsatisfied with that too. Needless to say, I never asked her out again. My thinking was..."I paid good money for us to have a good time. No, young lady you don't owe me anything, and I'm not requiring any favors from you, BUT if you aren't satisfied with minor things then how are you going to be satisfied with bigger things?" I simply didn't need the drama (and neither will the man you're trying to win).

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Cross-posted on Facebook on April 30, 9:59pm.

Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 1)

As a happily married man for 1 year (coming up on 4/26/09) my wife and I sometimes talk about how relieved we are that we no longer have to deal with "the dating game". No longer is there to wonder about when that special person will call and ask us out to dinner or the other way around or if someone wants to make time for us. We don't have to juggle dates and be worried about pleasing all of them: Terry on Monday evening, Jenny on Wednesday lunch, Sharon on Friday, etc or wonder how many more of these it will take to find "the one". We don't have to go out then wonder, "Hey what's it like to go home to the same person every night?"

There is a sort of peaceful tranquility and security to know that one person has your best interests at heart, and you have theirs. One person knows everything about you and you can chill at home without saying anything yet communicate everything richly, or if you do talk there's no danger of running out of interesting things to say. It's simply the state of "BE-ING". Both of us still hang out with some of our single friends as well and from time to time they ask us advice on dating & relationships, I guess because we seem happy with each other and have a successful loving marriage. From conversations with those friends, both men & women, I have gleaned the following bits of advice that should be especially helpful to guys, especially to those who think you're the greatest that ever done it!

Rule #1: (This is the most important rule guys, and the one most often violated; so pay attention b/c every guy thinks they are special or original in this category). Do not waste your time trying to come up with clever pick up lines. There is likely nothing you could say that a woman has not already heard, especially if she's an attractive, well-put together woman. "Baby, I can drink your bathwater" or "Hey Shorty, how old you is." is not something that grown men should say to anyone except a hoodrat who doesn't know any better.



Furthermore, a woman already has an idea of what category you're in when she first meets you, and not much you say is going to change that--Category 1: He's a loser, he'll get a fake (555-1212) number or the brush-off or no responses to his texts. Category 2: I'll give him my number and let him take me to dinner, but that's it. Category 3: I like this guy and he's datable, or at least I have no problem being seen in public with him. Category 4: This guy is "friend" material. I'll keep him around just in case, especially if he's smart, successful, well-connected, etc. Hey there could be more categories, but I'm just going by a guy's observations. A simple, "How are you? I'd like to get your number," or a simple understated compliment often works just fine.

Rule #2: On Communicating with Women/Online Dating: Meeting a woman for the first time and then Myspacing/Facebooking her and bombarding her with texts, calls, Myspace/Facebook comments, etc. without first asking her permission is not cool & she WILL talk about you to her girlfriends, which further alerts them that you're not cool either. So now you haven't just lost one desirable woman, you've lost a whole bunch of them in one shot. To you, it may be a cool way to get in touch & show her you're serious, but to her, it makes you look desperate. Instead, make a contact, and WAIT! I know it's hard, but WAIT. If she is interested, they will reply (this goes for guys & girls) but you're likely to get a "0" on your score card if you IM her every time she pops up active and online.

Rule #3: A smile is not necessarily a come-on, so get over yourself. Take it for what it is. If you want to approach then go ahead, but often a smile is just a friendly hello and is done as a polite greeting. It's like a drive by--it could happen to anyone.

Rule #4: Myspace & Facebook profile pictures may not be accurate representations of a person's physical appearance. Not everyone you meet online looks like Halle Berry (before OR after twins), or Idris Elba or Kobe (for you ladies) so don't try to make a hookup on the basis of online pictures alone. What you see is what the other person WANTS you to see.

Rule #5: Be wary of men or women who want to see what kind of phone you have or what kind of car you drive before showing their interest. Men and women who show a materialistic bent may well be gold-diggers, and when the next guy comes along with a bigger SUV or the next girl comes with nicer measurements, you'll be left holding the ice cream cone, and sometimes the bill.

Rule #6: Make sure before you ask anyone out, that both of you have something to bring to the relationship--whether a good job/career, ownership of real estate, education, or nice teeth, etc. An uneven relationship is one where one person, male or female is giving all the time and not getting anything of equal or greater value in return. That is not only robbery, it's abuse, and a smart person will call you out.

Rule #7: This is the rule that will save your life. Be yourself! People like originals. When I was on the dating scene I didn't need to drive a Benz, sport a BlackBerry, or try to speak with an exotic foreign accent even though I'm Haitian, or pretend like I was some big baller. Sometimes it's good to just be the real you. Don't expect meaningful relationships when you start off those relationships on exaggerations, distortions, or half-truths. It gets old after a while when a guy rolls up and to impress you starts talking loudly on the phone about how he was out with P. Diddy last week, just closed on his 5000 sq ft house, is going to that concert in VIP, bla bla bla.

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Cross-posted on Facebook on April 23, 1:08pm.