Baby Diary: It's A Boy (5-18-09)

Shirre & Kéto are proud to announce that we are having a baby boy! On Monday, Shirre went to a specialist who confirmed that she is 16 weeks pregnant and ran sonograms which indicate the gender of the baby. We are so excited! We recently celebrated our 1-year wedding anniversary, and are happy that we will have our first baby together, though we have 3 wonderful children by marriage. Because we have so many friends and family around the world, and for our own records we decided to create an electronic Baby Diary which we will record every few weeks to keep everyone informed of the latest baby news. To life! Watch the video below for my wife Shirre & my very first Baby Diary!

Kéto's Tampa Bay Job Search Guide

As some of you may know, yours truly was laid off from my law firm on March 1, 2009, joining millions of fellow Americans and thousands of Tampa Bay area professionals directly affected by the economic downturn. Thankfully, I re-entered the workforce on April 27, 2009 after 7 weeks of participating in a grueling & often disappointing job search, application & interview process with multiple businesses and technical recruiters in Tampa Bay. During this time, I attended job fairs, visited employment centers, trolled LinkedIn for networking contacts & spoke with many fellow Tampa Bay professionals who also have suffered layoffs, particularly in automotive sales, banking & finance, IT, and other sectors. We compared notes among each other as well as with those associates who are already employed, and identified several sources of jobs, employment organizations, and job boards which offer promising job leads locally. Below, I took the time to summarize the findings & highlight some of the best sources of job opportunities. I look forward to your feedback, and let me know if I left out any important sources:

http://tampabay.jobing.com (Angela Rosario, Community Relations Manager lives locally in Tampa Bay). Jobing is a worthwhile site because it's a job site focusing on Tampa Bay job seekers with jobs IN Tampa Bay, unlike CareerBuilder or Monster which start nationally and drill down locally. Seekers simply upload their resume once, perform a job search based on preferences, location (city/county), salary, job function, etc., and voila, a comprehensive list is generated with all the information you need to know regarding matching positions. Positions include GEICO, Hilton @Home reservations (PT evening work from home), credit unions, banks, etc. In Their Own Words: Jobing.com is the nation's largest, locally-focused provider of employment media, founded by an HR professional for HR professionals. Jobing.com is a unique online community that provides the forum, resources, and technology to connect employers, job seekers, and community organizations. [The site features] expert blogs, workshops, community partnerships, Career Expo job fairs, JobingVideo, Jobing.com CareerCenter, and Go Jobing magazine.

http://www.usajobs.gov has some very competitive government job offerings. The site offers over 46,855 U.S. Government job opportunities worldwide including jobs available due to Pres. Obama’s American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA). The salaries alone for some of these positions should pique the interest of qualified candidates. Some jobs may require willingness to move to Washington, D.C. or other federal locales; others are closer to Tampa Bay. (Obviously state, city & county jobs in Florida are out of the question at this point as Florida government is seriously out of money).

http://careers.bankofamerica.com Bank of America is hiring throughout Tampa Bay. Obviously BoA recently acquired Merrill Lynch and will lay off 30,000+ over the next 3 years, so seekers will want to be careful what departments you apply to, but there are quite a few part time (PT) Teller jobs as well as full time (FTE) professional positions.

http://careers.suntrust.com A number of Tampa Bay positions require sales background, but for someone who has sales experience, portfolio management, insurance license, etc. SunTrust may be a good opportunity.

http://www.indeed.com Indeed.com is a search engine for jobs, allowing job seekers to find jobs posted on thousands of company career sites and job boards.

University of South Florida USF publicly lists job descriptions at http://usfweb2.usf.edu/HR/Employment/CareerOpportunities.html.
Career Services for USF alums: http://www.coba.usf.edu/services/career/Alumni/index.htm.
If you are on the USF College of Business Administration (COBA) or MBA listserv, you will receive a weekly list of networking events and job opportunities in the Tampa Bay area. Subscribe at http://www.coba.usf.edu/services/career/Students/listserv.htm.
Also view networking resources at: http://www.coba.usf.edu/services/career/Students/networking.htm.

http://www22.verizon.com/Jobs This is the Verizon Career site which includes IT jobs. In Their Own Words: Looking for a rewarding career that motivates and challenges you every day? Look no further. Explore our Verizon businesses to find your dream job.

http://www.workinretail.com WorkInRetail is yet another job board which may be helpful to seekers interested in expanding their opportunities. Jobs include retail positions in Automotive, Department Stores, Electronics, Food & Beverage, General Merchandise, Grocery & Drug Stores, Home & Office, Hotel & Hospitality, Retail Banking, Sporting Goods & Fitness, and more. In Their Own Words: WorkInRetail.com is the nation’s best retail job board specializing in retail corporate, management and hourly jobs. Whether you are an experienced store manager, a Vice President of Merchandising or just starting a retail career, find your next opportunity at WorkInRetail.com

http://www.careerbuilder.com CareerBuilder is a more user friendly job site than Monster.com. The site offers positions in Contract & Freelance, College & Internships, Customer Service, Diversity Opportunities, Executive, Health Care, IT, Human Resources, Part Time, Retail, Sales & Marketing, and more. In Their Own Words: As the U.S.'s largest online job site, CareerBuilder.com puts over 1 million jobs in front of poised job seekers wherever they are - at home or at work - in print and on the Internet. More than 23 million unique visitors come to the site every month to check out the opportunities in every industry, field and job type.

http://careers.jpmorganchase.com/career/careerhome Chase is hiring. Logon the website, and navigate to careers in the Tampa market. Keep in mind, JPMC recently acquired the failed Washington Mutual Bank and is from time to time subject to mass layoffs. In Their Own Words: JPMorgan Chase has a presence in more than 50 locations worldwide and offers an exciting variety of career opportunities globally. Apply for jobs, explore different career paths, create job search agents for email notifications of available positions and learn more about all of our lines of business, as you consider joining our exceptional team.

LinkedIn.com Never underestimate the importance of building & maintaining your own professional network using LinkedIn. It may shorten the time it takes to find a job, as yours truly discovered. (Most professional positions are gained through personal and professional networking). Members only connect with the people they want to connect with, and each connection in turn is connected to "N" number of business contacts. Starting is as easy as uploading a resume and completing your profile through a series of activities and steps. Search your own contacts or those of others to find out who your fellow college alumni are, who works at company XYZ, etc. Feel free to email your LinkedIn friends for introductions to professionals in their networks that you may not yet know, and also ask your connections for networking tips. You may be pleasantly surprised at how many associates offer to assist you in your job search.

Recruiting & HR Firms Recruiting firms can be especially helpful for finding jobs in a number of professional industries (IT, healthcare, business, management, sales, communications, etc.) A few recruiting firms operating in Tampa Bay are IT Resources, KForce, Criterion Executive Staffing, Veredus, etc.

http://www.workforcetampa.com Tampa Bay WorkForce Alliance is the leading workforce development organization in the Tampa Bay region. In Their Own Words: TBWA offers services to businesses to help connect them to job candidates and other value-added workforce development services. Whether you’re a professional, re-entering the workforce, a military veteran or looking to enhance skills for better earning power, TBWA can assist in preparing and referring you to leading employers. Are you entering the workforce for the first time? If so, let us help inspire the confidence you need to reach your goals. Logon the Career Candidate Services tab to upload your resume & perform your job search. TBWFA is also linked with Employ Florida Marketplace, and is a great resource for those performing a job search while participating in Unemployment Benefits.

https://www.employflorida.com Employ Florida links all of Florida's state and local workforce services and resources. The partners are Workforce Florida, the state policy and oversight board, and the Agency for Workforce Innovation, the state agency which administers workforce funds. At the local level, there are 24 regional workforce boards that administer more than 80 "one-stop centers." The Employ Florida toll free number is 1-866-FLA-2345.

http://www.cdcoftampa.org Corporation to Develop Communities of Tampa Inc. (CDC of Tampa, Inc). The CDC recently opened the Chloe Coney Urban Enterprise Center (next to Bank of America | 1907 E. Hillsborough Avenue | Tampa, FL 33610 | Fax: (813) 231-4680), a one-stop center which provides resume services, job training (1,500 clients yearly), work-force re-entry for those who have had past run-ins with the law, assistance to first-time home owners, community revitalization, career computer lab, etc. Youth programs are housed at the Audrey L. Spotford Youth & Family Center in East Tampa. The organization, for whom yours truly formerly provided business planning & development services, primarily serves residents of East Tampa, although anyone who walks through the doors is welcome.

DISCLAIMER: This Tampa Bay Job Search Guide is not an attempt to provide a comprehensive listing of ALL Tampa Bay job search resources. These are simply the major job search resources that have been brought to our attention. We hope this information is of assistance to our readers or friends who are also in the job market. Please keep in mind during your job search that often, some of the best and most rewarding opportunities are with companies and businesses that you may have never heard of but which may have a long-term presence in Tampa Bay due to their roots.

Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 2)

In April I wrote a Facebook note focusing on the Rules of Engagement between Men & Women on the Dating Scene. I received so much positive feedback that I wrote several more pieces, and now present the fourth piece: "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself (Part 2)". Previous notes are: "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself" which explored the 7 most common mis-steps that men make every day on the dating scene; "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)" which discussed preventable mistakes that women make in dating & the third post in this series, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 2)". Thanks so much to my wife, Shirre as well as other friends who gave me constructive feedback. Please enjoy and do feel free to comment! All I can promise you (both men and women) is that you thought you knew everything about men, but you will find out what you don't know by reading this post. Some of what you don't know will blow your mind when you realize how simple the rules are!

Rule #1: Make a mental or written list of the characteristics that a woman must possess in order for you to enter a relationship with her: college education, career, loves children, God-fearing & moral, good manager of finances, physical appearance, loyal/faithful, good cook, mental chemistry, etc. Just as I told the ladies, these characteristics are your standards. Before committing to a relationship you should find out if the woman possesses the most desirable of these characteristics, and whether she is willing to work on the other lower-priority characteristics. You really don't have to verbally ask a woman these questions. She will tell you by her actions, and hints will slip out in her conversation because women are very good at telling you all about themselves whether they know it or not.

Because I don't mind using myself as an example, I will talk about the characteristics that attracted me to my wife. When we met and started dating, I assumed it would be a short-term relationship as I was not accustomed to or interested in relationships that lasted more than a few months. I was a "convenience" or "serial dater". Eventually, after casually dating her for a few weeks, I began analyzing in my mind the kind of woman that Shirre was. Even though she was popular in our circle, and well-liked, I noticed that she didn't run after other men who were always complimenting her & offering her gifts in exchange for a relationship as did many of the women I knew. This showed me that Shirre had a level head and did not let her good looks or popularity go to her head. Furthermore, I met her children and found out by watching their behavior that she was indeed a good mother who loved her children. Her consciousness about spiritual topics informed me of her love for God, which was very important to me. I understood that Shirre was a professional, and that everything she had was a result of her going out for her self, taking matters into her own hands, carefully saving & managing her finances, and demonstrating her independence and hard work. She was open to having a man, but didn't need a man to make her who she already was. Also, we had such great mental chemistry that often we knew what the other was thinking or going to say or when something was wrong without even seeing the other person. It was as if we had known each other in a past life.

When I considered these and several other characteristics, I realized they all matched up with my standards for what a wife should be, and we discussed whether we were on the same page regarding our future. We were, and now we are married as a result. I wasn't looking for a wife at that time, and certainly I had met plenty of beautiful women in Tampa Bay, in my travels to 30 other states, and in my home country of Haiti , but I knew that here she was standing before me--the woman of my dreams & the woman I loved--and I would be crazy to let her go without at least expressing my feelings for her.

Rule #2: This is possibly the most important rule that you will ever encounter, and following it will save you a lot of heartache and prevent you from making bad decisions which we as men may regret for the rest of our lives: If a relationship is meant to be for the long-term, it will last; if it is only meant for the short-term, let her go! Thank God for the times that you had together and MOVE ON! In many cases, both the man and woman may start out on exactly the same level in the relationship. As time goes on, both may move in opposite directions or one will mature in the relationship and the other will not, thus dooming said relationship.

In my younger days, when I was falling in love just about every other day, I realized this fact, and understood that there was no point in continuously chasing someone who was not where I was in the relationship. Many people do this unfortunately to save face; just so they can say, "Yeah, I've got somebody," because everyone else around them has a special someone. But it's not worth it! Some people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! This saying is just as true regarding friendships and associations as it is about romances. Also, if you have to constantly text, call, email, IM, etc. the other person, then let's be real, they really aren't interested. Someone who is interested in starting or continuing a relationship will make their interest obvious by maintaining contact with you.

Rule #3: This rule is closely related to Rule #2: You cannot make someone love you who doesn't. You can buy a woman all the drinks, cars, clothing & expensive jewelry in the world. You can pay her rent, pay for her college, and do other things which show her that you love her and want to be with her. BUT if she doesn't feel the same way about you, you are just wasting your time and money and casting your pearls before swine. As soon as someone comes along who has more intelligence, better looks, or possesses something more than you, she will be gone. This is a "fair-weather girlfriend" sometimes referred to as a "gold-digger".

Rule #4: Female beauty and shapeliness will not last forever. If you want to know what a woman will look like 10 years or more from now, look at her mother, grandmother, and other older females in her family. Someday she will look like them. If they have aged gracefully, then likely she will age gracefully as well--if she takes care of herself. If many of them have put on quite a few pounds and look like they could stand a makeover, then it is possible that one day she will look like that too. At the same time, your relationship should be based on love because not every minute of your relationship is going to be spent "partaking of the cookie". That is a young man's unrealistic dream.

Rule #5: DO go on blind dates every now and then. Your friends and family know the kind of person you are, and will generally try to find someone that is going to make you happy. However, you should never go on a blind date arranged by your Mother. She has an interest in picking someone similar to her that SHE wants you to be with, and this is not be in your best interests as an independent man. Mom may be thinking "safe & homely" while you're thinking "wild & adventurous."

Rule #6: Get all the important things out of your way first, or at least have them in progress, and then pursue long-term relationships. Because of our environment during our formative years and other obstacles that we face throughout our lives, some of us may not have our "ducks in a row" at the same time as others. In my case, even though I was from a low-income, single-parent home, my Mom taught be to be the best in everything I was involved in & I was extremely competitive and driven to succeed. As a result, I made the decision very early that I would not parent children out of wedlock or get married until after I had become the first person in my family to graduate from college, earn a graduate degree, start my career & hopefully acquire some real estate. I understood how much time and devotion completing an academic course and starting a career would take up of my life, and I wanted to make sure I had the tools to provide for whoever I would become involved with. Thank God, due to family support & perseverance on my part, I was able to accomplish at least 3 of those goals prior to marriage, and I am now able to focus my time and efforts completely on my marriage and family. The point is that all of us males may not be all that we want to be right now, but we should certainly have made the effort to be on that path that leads us to our dreams. Our women and families look up to us and often will not become any more successful than we are.

Rule #7: Women have back-burner friends too! (Remember Rule #8 in my previous post in which I discussed "just in case" friendships?) The idea applies to women as well! There are women in your life who secretly have you pegged as a "back-burner friend". They may have several options among male friends that they have dated or would like to date if given the opportunity or if circumstances were different. There is always one man in the mix that is superior to the other guys because that man meets more of the standards of the woman in question. But here's how it plays out in the woman's head: back-burner friends may have some quality the woman doesn't like, but if the best option falls through, she could see herself settling for whoever is left (sort of a process of elimination, i.e., "I'd love to have the upwardly mobile Doctor friend, but if he's way to busy or unfaithful, I could settle for the DJ friend who always shows me a good time"). One of the options may be the woman's best male friend (very, very tricky territory), but either the man or woman may choose not to ruin the relationship so they remain friends. Some women will also date openly but hold out for the long term for a guy that they can never have. This may be an unattainable potential mate whom they may have met or an idealistic mental image of the man they could have if they put all the characteristics they desire to "create the perfect mate". The unattainable man could be married, recently divorced, etc., and the woman may have supported him by providing moral, social, or financial support or befriended him in the past.

Rule #7+1: Educated, progressive men--particularly those in the Black & Latino cultures--are a commodity! It is we who are highly desired and sought after not just by Black & Latino women, but by those of other cultures as well. With this in mind, we should take ourselves a little more seriously, and become involved with those who appreciate who we are instead of worrying about those women in our immediate circles who have ridiculously high, unattainable standards for us. Note, I'm not bashing high standards; I'm bashing ridiculous, unattainable standards. There are many women who claim that there are no good men. This is simply not true. What is meant is that there are not enough men who fit their standards of what a successful, desirable man ought to be. A brother who drives a Mercedes & makes six figures is no more valuable or important than a brother working at Office Depot who works hard to support his family.

Understanding this rule means that you may have to date outside your culture, race, religion or economic status to find that special someone that is meant just for you!! That is perfectly ok, regardless of whether you get stared down while out in public with your loved one! (Trust me, I've had this experience from people who didn't know me from Adam). People who don't accept the personal choices you make which make you happy are not really interested in your happiness anyway. This is the 2000's and you as a man must "do you" because we only have one life to live!

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Cross-posted on Facebook on May 13, 2:50am.

Foreign Spam is Delicious!

For the last few months, I've been the recipient of an amazing amount of spam (also known as unsolicited bulk e-mail (UBE)) to my Yahoo! email. The majority of this spam appears to come from foreign countries in Africa, the Middle East, and even a few who purport to be from parts of Great Britain. Naturally, the spam letters could be from anywhere, though I would like to think that American spammers are creative enough to come up with this particular type of spam. It used to be that I would receive just a handful of these a year, now for some reason, I'm receiving a few weekly. Just for the fun of it, I decided to do a little basic research on spam.

• A synonym for spam is unsolicited bulk e-mail (UBE).
• Another synonym, "UCE" refers specifically to unsolicited commercial e-mail, or spam purporting to sell a product to the reader.
• The daily volume of spam reached over 100 billion emails per day as of April 2008.
• 80% of all spam is sent by less than 200 spammers.
• Botnets, networks of virus-infected computers, are used to send about 80% of spam.
• E-mail addresses utilized by spammers are collected from chatrooms, websites, newsgroups, and viruses which harvest users' address books, and are sold to other spammers. So it's extremely important to control where you use your email address online.
• Spam averages 94% of all e-mail sent. I believe it because my friends continuously send me stupid forwardings even though I ask them time and time again not to. If you only have a few dozen people you email then it may not be a big deal, but when like me you have hundreds of email partners, it gets to be a bit much.
  
• Researchers say responding to opt-out requests is unwise, as this confirms to the spammer that yours is an active e-mail account.

In any case, the majority of my spam letters are referred to as advance-fee fraud which is a confidence trick in which the target is persuaded to advance sums of money in the hope of realizing a significantly larger gain. Other names for this spam are 419 fraud, Nigerian letters, Russian/Ukrainian letters, etc. It's just disturbing because all of the letters start out pretty much the same way: "My dear friend, my name is so-and-so. I have come into the inheritance of $50,000,000.00 in my home country of tree-palms. Because of laws in this country I cannot claim my inheritance without your benevolence. Would you please send me your bank account number? I will deposit the entire sum in your bank, and then for your help after it is safely in your account, you may keep $??,000,000.00 as a gift of thanks for me. I am forever in your care. bla bla bla." This time, instead of just talking about my spam offerings, I figured I would share a real spam letter with you guys.

From: Ali Ibrahim ,
Sent: Wednesday, May 6, 2009 4:09:51 AM
Subject: From: Dr. Ali Ibrahim

From: Dr. Ali Ibrahim
Dear Friend,

I have a proposal for you, this however is not mandatory nor will I in any mannercompel you to honour the content against your will. I am Dr. Ali Ibrahim, I work with a bank (one of the leading banks in Africa). Here in this bank exists a dormant account for the past 8 years which belongs to an American national who is now late, Mr. John Cuthbertson, who died on

Alaska Airlines on Alaska Airline Flight 261 in January 31, 2000.

When I discovered that there had been no deposits or withdrawals from this account for this long period, I decided to carry out a system investigation and discovered that none of the family members nor relations of the late person is aware of this account. Now I want an account overseas where the bank will transfer this fund.

Thereafter, I will destroy all related documents to this account. It is a careful network and for the past eleven months I have worked out everything to ensure a hitch-free operation. The amount plus all the accumulated interest is US$15,500,000.00 (Fifteen million, Five hundred thousand US Dollars only).

Now my questions are: -
1. Can you handle this project?
2. Can I give you this trust?
3. What will be your commission if you can facilitate the movement of this fund to your account?

Consider these and get back to me as soon as possible with your full names, private telephone and fax numbers, corresponding postal address, etc. Finally, it is my humble request that the information as contained herein be accorded with every confidentiality and the necessary secrecy it deserves I expect your urgent response to this request, via my private email

Respectfully yours,
Yours Sincerely,
Dr. Ali Ibrahim

7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 2)

Last week I wrote a post, "Dating Tips for Men OR How Not to Be a Playa & Make a Fool of Yourself" which explored the 7 most common mis-steps that men make every day on the dating scene. Following this, I wrote another post, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)" which discussed preventable mistakes that women make in dating. We're now ready for the third post in this series, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 2)". Again thanks to my wife, Shirre as well as other women friends who gave me feedback on my Facebook page.

Rule #1: If you want to know what a man is thinking and why he is doing something, ask him or another man whose advice you trust (your father, a brother, uncle, etc.). Don't ask your girlfriends or your Mother because they will generally give you bad advice based on failed relationships & misconceptions about how men really work, e.g., Vivica A. Fox in Three Can Play That Game (2007). Quite a bit of mis-communication goes on between men and women, and many promising relationships never blossom fully or are short-lived simply because men and women do not understand the difference in each other's communication styles.

Rule #2: Don't try to win every argument. Men and women argue differently. Generally women argue based on emotion and feeling. Generally men argue based on laying out a logical case and making points. Understand that this is neither good nor bad--it's just how it is. However, when you refuse to lose, it shows us that you are inflexible, selfish, self-centered, and think that only you can be right. I've seen plenty of cases where a man thinks he has "won" an argument only to realize that he has just been insulted in the worst way. Many times if you stop and think about why an argument started, you'll realize it was probably over something very minor and insignificant. Often arguments occur based on ignorance of Rule #1.

Rule #3: "The Chase" is good (back in the day it was called "Courting"), but above all be honest and open about your intentions and desires at the very beginning of the relationship or at some point during a date, and let us know where you want it to go. Trust me, we already have plans about where we want things to go, but we need to know what will work for you. Also, we should all be adults and if we are interested in you, we don't have time for mind-games, guilt tripping, and other child-like foolishness. If you don't care about the other person, don't waste his time just to get another free dinner or because he's going to introduce you to Cadillac Williams.

Rule #4: Your clothing and makeup are a reflection of you. Too much of a good thing can be overkill. At the same time, we would like to know that you care enough about your personal image that you took more than 5 minutes to plan your outfit and accessories. There is a good reason why women who wear lipstick tend to get better job offers than women who don't wear any makeup.

Rule #5: This is extremely important but a rule that is regularly ignored and violated among girlfriends and BFF's--Don't kiss and tell. Guys may have locker room talk, but because of the rich level of communication that women share, it's not a good idea to discuss all of your man's finer points. Again this is a family-friendly post, so read between the lines. If your man has it together, there's a possibility that some woman in your circle wants him too based on your descriptions of him, and yes, she will be thinking about that whenever she meets him--even at the family barbeque.

Rule #6: Another very important, but often ignored rule is Be approachable! Don't gain the reputation for being an ice queen. Every brother that walks up to you is not going to ask you out. If you're a fine woman, and have your stuff together, some guys will hesitate to approach you because we figure anyone that awesome MUST have a man somewhere! Remember we men appreciate a beautiful, put together woman; a simple "Thank you" when receiving a compliment is in line. Be willing to break the ice by casual conversation or a smile. Remember in the last post I explained that the pressure is on us men during dating (Rule #7). Unfortunately a lot of women forget how to make a first impression; many assume that if they don't know who a guy is or what he does or if he doesn't have a camera in his hand, it's okay to ignore him when he passes by. You may be staring down your future knight in shining armor.

As a real-life example, when I first met my wife Shirre, I noticed her incredible beauty, but I also noticed her carriage and presence. Whenever she walked into a room her aura announced itself, and people--men and women--would light up around her. I just knew that anyone that amazing just had to be attached. But I approached her (because I'm Kéto & I'm confident in what I bring to the table), and soon found out that she was single and approachable without coming off as a diva. She made our relationship possible because she didn't put up a public "wall" or have a "you're not good enough to talk to me attitude" unlike many other professional women I met, despite her past relationships. Neither of us had any idea in June 2007 that we would one day be married, but we both travelled with a "Welcome" sign, so it wasn't hard for someone to enter our lives.

Rule #7: Failure to be adventurous and adhere to this rule is the reason why many many wonderful women will never find a meaningful relationship: [Be willing to] date outside your circle! Again as I stated in the last post, your frustration in not being able to find an available AND desirable man is understandable (Rule #6). However, this is not just a Tampa Bay problem, it's a widespread women problem. For those of you in Tampa Bay, understand that there are over a million residents of Hillsborough County, and several million more throughout the entire Bay area. You have not met all the good men even if you think you have. You have just met all the good men in YOUR circle. Have an open mind and be willing to date outside your culture, race, religion, social circle, etc.. Again, each time you break the mold and step out of your comfort zone, there will be a particular set of challenges that you will face, but if you want a meaningful relationship and have not found it, trust me it's because you have looked in the same places that you've always looked, and what's the saying about insanity??

As an illustration of Rule #7 I'll use my personal life. As a Haitian, we are generally encouraged to marry within our culture, just as many foreign born young professionals. Because I was open-minded about the dating process and willing to meet whoever was meant for me regardless of race or culture, I didn't shackle myself with tradition and as a result married Shirre, a Black American female, my true love. Furthermore, I didn't expect to marry until 3-5 years later, and I didn't expect to marry a woman with children. But I understand that often the greatest thing that can happen to us will stare us right in the face, and if we aren't ready to move, we can lose out on The One that God has for us. I wasn't willing to make that sacrifice.

Rule #8: Because 7 Rules aren't enough, I give you 7+1: Men do not befriend women that we are not [at least a little bit] physically attracted to. Here's a bit of shocking news b/c I know you thought that our intentions were noble. Did you ever befriend a guy and then eventually some years later end up dating or marrying him? Or do you have a friend that this happened too? Of course you do. Well, it probably was not an accident. As I've said time and time again, we men are very simple creatures and we are predictable in knowing exactly what we want and setting things up so that we eventually get what we want. If you are a good looking female, and you have a lot of male friends, I've got news for you--this is not by accident. I assure you that I have never befriended a woman whom I didn't have some attraction to, even if I was not going to pursue her. This is called a "just-in-case" friendship.

You may think that the long calls, sharing secrets, friendly dinners, "business" lunches, free movie tickets, invitations to family events, etc. are because a guy just wants to be your "friend". Not so! We may not approach you directly in the beginning maybe b/c you're already in a relationship, or we just want admission into your circle without the pressure of asking you out until we're ready, or we're just shy and don't want to be rejected. But trust me, we know that some day, you will become comfortable with us, need a shoulder to cry on, or need a life-saving favor. At that moment, we will be there to swoop in like Superman, solve your problem, and become your hero. And then the romance begins!

This ends my third post on Dating and Relationships, and I hope it is an enjoyable and insightful read for all of you. Please do post your comments. Let me know about how Rules #1-7 have affected your love life, positively & negatively!

Addendum: Because I forgot to include this in the last post, "7 Tips to Winning the Man of Your Dreams OR How Not to Be THAT Woman Guys Talk About (Part 1)"I'm including an addition to Rule #7 Be on your best behavior on your first date. "There are acceptable and unacceptable topics for your first date. Do not discuss sex right away as that will focus your date's mind on only one thing for the rest of the evening. Also, do not discuss past romances or how many partners you've had even if you are asked. It's not relevant to your date and goes with Rule #1 (Leave past relationships in the past). When I started dating Shirre officially, I didn't care how many partners she had had or who her past loves were. They had nothing to do with me. They were in the past, and we were the present and future. Conversely topics that are cool are your family background, your culture if different from his, travels, education, professional goals, leisure topics, hobbies & interests, and various other 'light' topics, etc."

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Cross-posted on Facebook on May 3, 9:49pm.