A Discussion of Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man"

I have started reading Steve Harvey's new book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment" with my wife Shirre. Harvey regularly promotes sales of his advice book on his Steve Harvey Morning Show which we both listen to on the radio. So she recently purchased the book on sale at Books-A-Million.

My disclaimer as a reader of the book, especially to women who are the target audience for this book, is for all readers to read the book with an open mind, and understand that Steve's book is not the end all or be all of advice on men. At the end of the day it is a book of advice and it is up to each individual to decide which pieces of advice apply to them. Some advice won't be applicable because you're at a different stage in your life than others, or maybe because such and such was never an issue for you, etc. Some advice will apply to you, so as the saying goes, "If the shoe fits..."

I'm completely in agreement with Shirre going out and getting this book without my telling her to do so. Women always expect us men to know what they want without telling us or explaining to us why they want it. (i.e., why women prefer to cuddle, when to listen vs give advice, helping around the house, etc...) but somehow, they forget or tend to ignore us men when we tell them very clearly by our actions and words what we want and need.

I found very early in my marriage that issues I didn't worry about while dating Shirre, I have had to address during marriage simply because our relationship is now more complex than it was at the dating and engagement stages, and if this is a tool that helps keep peace in our home (although we're pretty peaceful and have a happy, loving home) and squash misunderstandings and hurt feelings before they arise, then more power to Shirre for reading the book. Now if another man doesn't want his wife reading Steve's book, then that is his call. All I know is that Shirre is reading the book, and it has paid off already!

There is no one book with absolute truth other than the Bible. There were some things that I told Shirre about my likes and dislikes when we first got married that she as a woman did not understand. In some cases I told her in almost the same words as what is in Steve's book. We all know that Steve is not Dr. Phil. He is a comedian. However, he is first a man, and men generally know why men think and act in certain ways given a particular situation because all our lives we have lived this thing called "manhood". There are untold scores of books of advice for women about dealing with themselves and men from other women's perspectives, but really very few books of relationship advice that are written by men to and for women.

Now that Shirre is reading the book, she realizes that things that I was saying were not just statements made at random or said in the heat of the moment, but that I was trying to inform her of how I think as a man so that there would be no confusion or misunderstanding as to my motives. So yes, I'm absolutely glad that she went out (on her own) and purchased the book at Books-A-Million.

There are some who say that there is no need for books in a relationship, after all open communication is the key. However, from my perspective open communication is easier said than done. Friendship presents a particular set of relationship challenges, dating presents another set of challenges, being engaged yet another set of challenges unique to that relationship. Once you're married, misunderstandings will happen because both husband and wife even under the best intentions are two independent, separate people trying to become one in family, goals, desires, etc. and now live together 24 hrs/day instead of seeing their partner, doing dinner or the movies, and then going their separate ways.

Living in close proximity causes friction because of basic human nature. We are always in conflict, even over what outfit to wear tomorrow. Not one of us is perfect in thought or actions, though we strive to be perfect in motive. If tools exist to help us reach a state of harmony with our loved ones whether counseling, church, books, Oprah, etc. then we should be willing to use those tools (only the one which applies to your specific situation) to help us resolve whatever is missing in our "relationship portfolio".

Elitism and It's Elite Standardbearers

Are you an elitist, am I an elitist? Who the heck is an elitist, and is that suddenly bad, and if so why? An elite person by definition is from "a group or class of persons enjoying superior intellectual or social or economic status." Common usage relates this term to people who enjoy the highest social standing in our society either through being born into an old money family, i.e. The Bushes, Kennedys, Rockefellers, Hiltons, Sen. John McCain, etc. As well, we think of elite as referring to someone who through mastery of a specific talent or skill set has ascended to the top of his profession and thus attained elite social status. Great examples are Michael Jordan who was not born into money, but because he became one of the best at his craft, enjoys elite status. Of course Oprah Winfrey, entrepreneur and billionaire would fit this description as well as Deion Sanders or any other "rags to riches" story. Yet another common usage of "elite" is someone who is out of touch with ordinary people.

Now, I gotta admit, I was confused as to why during the Democratic primaries, Hillary Clinton referred to Barack Obama as elitist due to his "bitter" comments, suggesting that he was "out of touch" because he dared to tell us what we already knew. That is that for too long, the Republican political machine has always distracted us from their failures by bringing up guns and religion just before major elections, and certain segments of our population keep falling for the same trick over and over. It's as if the Republicans have convinced folks that somehow "the other guy" is gonna take away your God and your guns. Furthermore, I was even more intrigued that John McCain, the scion of military elites and a son of privilege since birth would also try to characterize Obama as an elitist. Unfortunately, per usual the media took another Republican talking point and ran with it as if it were the Gospel of Rove.

If you didn't know any better you would think that the "elitist" candidate is Obama. But let's look at the facts. At the very least, John McCain owns 8 mansions, the least expensive being valued at $847K and the most expensive being valued over $4M. Some estimate that he actually owns 10 homes including one for his daughter, Meghan McCain. Further, John McCain says he doesn't know how many houses he owns. No wonder he thinks the "economy is fundamentally strong." Talk about being out of touch! So who is the elitist who flies around in his wife's private plane because, "in AZ the only way to get around the state is by small private plane"? Well that's John McCain. Who along with his wife are worth about $100 million? Oh yeah, that's John McCain. Further, it is John McCain's wife Cindy McCain whose beer distributorship has $300M/yr in sales. Of course, the one who's cruised his whole life based on his father and grandfather being Admirals in the US Navy? That's John McCain. He graduated at the bottom of his class (895/899), but his elite connectections allowed him to get into Fighter Pilot school after Annapolis. You would think you'd only want your smartest people as fighter pilots wouldn't you? But as George W. Bush demonstrated, you can be a C student, dumb as rocks, and as long as your family is well connected (George H. W. Bush was Dir of CIA, VPOTUS, heir to old money oil fortune of Prescott Bush) you can sail through life earning nothing on your own, but being granted privileges on the basis of your family tree. That "my friends" as John McCain would say, is affirmative action for the rich.

Meanwhile, let's contrast Barack Obama's life? He actually looks like the face of 21st century America, as Bob Cesca duly notes. He was born to a white mother and Kenyan father who left them at a young age after which his mother had to subsist on foodstamps, raised by his white grandmother in Kansas, he worked hard in highschool in Hawaii and earned the opportunity because of his excellent grades to attend Harvard for undergrad, then Columbia Law School. So whose story is more like one of us? Black AND White parents? Foodstamps to Presidential candidate? Has lived in the same middle class neighborhood forever (despite having written 2 bestselling books about his life)? The answer should be obvious.

When elite comes to mind of course we're told it's Obama who's elite despite all of my previous statements describing John McCain's inherited wealth and Barack Obama's rags to riches story. The media must think we're stupid, but that's ok because no one ever calls them out on making up the facts.